I keep hurting someone I love with my big ugly mouth. I've tried to be kind, really. I just can't do it when all they ever say to me is how to measure up. When am I ever going to be good enough for you? I love this person so much but they are just so on-edge all the time, I don't know what to do about it. I'm so lost right now.
I want things to be like they used to be. Three years ago, I was the happiest girl in the world. Carefree, loving and sweet. I'd never say anything to hurt my friends or family, but now it seems I am an awful person.
I never used to be shallow either, but I now also find myself judging my surroundings. I want to be pure and calm and at peace, but it seems nearly impossible for me to be like that right now.
My "friends" don't care either. Sure, they may say you're their "friend" until they find someone that is "cooler" or more "popular" to their standards, and then next thing you know, you're left sitting alone at lunch, partner-less at gym, and alone completely.
Trust me, I know.
I wish I was someone that people envied, but I'm not. I'm just an introverted, friendless loser that can barely find the courage to stand on her own two feet. It's like I'm letting the "rules" of society carry me through life , and I'm too afraid to stand up to conformity.
I just can't do it like I thought I could. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I highly doubt anyone does or ever will.
I can totally relate to this post. I constantly hurt my loved one all the time and I'm afraid that it pushes him away. It's definitely my biggest fear.
ReplyDeleteYears ago, I was mixed in with the wrong crowd. No one cared about anything I said or did. My parents had divorced and I had no one to talk to about it. It was a very horrible time for me. I too was sitting alone at lunch and partner-less in gym.
So at least you know that you are not alone.
Thanks for following me, by the way <3 It's very much appreciated!
Thank you! Can't explain how good it feels to hear that someone knows how this feels.
ReplyDeleteAnd following you? That was no problem. :)