The Life [and world] We Know.

People love to judge a book by it's cover, but hate to read what's inside. I think very few people appreciate the feelings of others. Society is cruel and infuriating. I wish we weren't all so miserable, but I have to wonder if everything we aim our lives towards when we're young all stems from superficial aspirations. We go to school not because we love learning, but so we can get a decent job to make money and live well. I understand that money is what we need to live in this world now, but it seems unfair. We not only are judged by how much money we make, but we feel pressured to spend our money in foolish ways to prove that we are "worthy" in a sense. Who are we trying to fool? Underneath all this stuff, we are all just trying to find answers. 


I think that we are all in pain, and it mostly comes from disappointment in our lives. We as humans have a tendency to always try and be better, but how do we know when we can no longer be any better, and accept that's the way it is? 

Different Parents, Different City, Different Life.

I hate the way this world is turning. I wish life wasn't so difficult, but then again, who am I to say what is should or shouldn't be? Am I worthy of such a thing? The days seem to drag on and on and on, and school seems to never end.

I know this sounds silly, but I sometimes wish I had been adopted into another family at birth. I often wonder what I would be like if my life wasn't so screwed up, if my mother wasn't manipulative and superficial, and my father hadn't of done the thing(s) he did. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but what if I had never gone through that divorce that left my family so broken? Would I be a better person? Would I be less of a freak? Would I have ever had Ana? WOULD I BE HAPPY?

There is a plus side to all of this shit though. If all I had ever known was happiness, I would be very naive. I'm happy that I know as much as I do, if only I didn't have to learn it the hard way. I don't feel sorry for myself at all, nor have I ever, but sometimes I just wish the world was different. Hell, I wish my life was different sometimes.

The better me would be born and raised in the city. Screw this small town and all its bullshit!
The better me would be strong, emotionally and phyically.
The better me would be smarter, in more ways than one.
The better me would be better, period.

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I wish my mother had fucked Brad Pitt, that way we could be finished in this town, and I'd feel like I had the right to boast about something. Not to mention, Brad Pitt is adorable. That helps a lot too. It wouldn't be much differrent though, my mother already has a "Sugar Daddy."

Yesterday, my mother found out her beloved fiance's "Doctors appointment" was actually him sneaking around on her with another chick.
WORD TO THE WISE:
If you're going to cheat, and you know that your significant other is going to be around, make sure your clearly state where you're supposed to meet and when. If you don't, chances are, you're fuck buddy is going to show up and ask your fiance where you are. This is a sticky situation, trust me.

My mom and me are just sitting there, and then this early thirty-somethng woman shows up at the winery asks where Mark is, and that they have a "meeting" at five o'clock. Little does she know, she is talking to his fiance.
The funny thing of all this is, the woman seemed absolutely clueless as to what this "meeting" was about. She even brought her kids with her. I think somebody was trying to pull a fast one.
Seriously, I highly doubt my mom was born yestersday, but then again...what do I know?