I don't know how to say how I feel. Every time I try to tell Sharon (my psychologist), it comes out all wrong, or I end up fumbling with my words. I guess I feel like I have to impress everyone even though I know I'm the only one I need to satisfy. I'm done trying to make other people's lives better. I've got to spend some time focusing on my issues. If this life you're currently living doesn't work for you, then fix it. Make it work. That's what I've got to do.
I sometimes find myself getting annoyed when people ask me what they can do to help. I know they mean well, but if I wanted someone's help, wouldn't I have asked for it? Yes. I often keep my distance from people that care about me, or I yell at them. It's sad really. A lot of kids would probably love to have parents that are involved in their life, can't say I blame them, but I wish sometimes that I was on my own.
I have always wondered what I would've turned out like if I lived with my grandparents from the get-go. Things are better over there. Less tension in the air makes it easier to breathe, that is...until about six o'clock, and that's when the drinking starts. My grandma drinks too much. Sometimes six or even seven shots a night, though she has trouble admitting it. I'm worried for her, and it makes me depressed because there is nothing I can do to stop her, let alone help.
I look around, and all I see are people who are unhappy with their lives. Everyone seems to be preoccupied with fighting their own internal battles. Why can't we all surrender and go on living in peace? I wish it was that simple.
Ugh :(
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